I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
