Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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