i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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