Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
