420 ftw
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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