Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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