Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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