You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
