I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
