Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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