the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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