Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
