I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize