I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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