Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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