Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
A+ Viking dick
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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