This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize