Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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