I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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