Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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