"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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