I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
