I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize