My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
