I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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