I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You're like the curious george of whores
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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