theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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