she takes plan B like it's going out of style
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
