You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
