Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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