he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
