i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
