Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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