I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
