dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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