He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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