i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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