wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
