toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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