so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
