every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
