so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
it's like heaven, but drunker
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
