her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize