We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
