I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
