I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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