I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
