Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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