I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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