Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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