He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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