I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
