I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
