Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
