It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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