I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
