when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
