Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
