it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
