you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
