Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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