she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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