girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
