he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize