i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
