The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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