There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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