How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
