I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
