Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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