great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
