She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
