i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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