her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
True strength comes from lack of pants
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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