I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
