Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
