I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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