Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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