my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
