Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize