just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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