i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize