maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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