Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
