I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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