You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
