You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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