that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
