Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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