I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
