i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
