I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
