im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
