I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
