It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
