it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
