if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
