just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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