I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
